Discernment, or Why I Make Poor Decisions... (November 2 [Vicki])

In the Lutheran world there are a lot of fancy words thrown around to make ourselves feel special: vocation, theology of the cross, E pluribus unum, and even discernment. Now, don't get me wrong, it's fun to be able to say these fancy terms and get people looking at you like you're some kind of genius, but below the surface these words aren't that fancy.

For instance, vocation is merely what you find yourself doing in your life: teacher, husband, brother, mother, sister, aunt, custodian, creator, destroyer, alien, etc.

Theology of the Cross is just a fancy way of saying, we have no idea what we're talking about, but we don't want to tell you that, so we made up fancy phrases to disguise what we fear may be fake news.

E pluribus unum, really is just a fancy way of saying asexual reproduction.... no, it doesn't. It's latin for "out of one, many." (Close enough in my book though!)

Then, there's discernment.

This word is just like the rest, it means the process of making a decision. It's supposed to be along the lines of going on a vision quest and getting enlightened under a fig tree, but is it really?

I've never been on a vision quest. I've never seen a fig tree. I don't like to sit on the ground, so can I properly discern anything?

Well, sure!

My faith journey has been nothing but a giant mess of discernment (or decision making). I have made choices that took me all over the midwest, to several different schools (almost to North Carolina), and now to seminary to be a pastor. The question remains though... Has it been worth it?

Have my conversations with friends, family and loved ones about what God has "called" [another one of those fancy words] to me to been fruitful?

Have my long walks down the road of loneliness and despair just to end up where I am worth the pain and anguish?

Have the decisions I made on behalf of myself and my family, to go to school, to not become a teacher, to become a father, to cry my eyes out every time something goes wrong, made me a better person?

I really wish I had answers to these questions, because I'm really waiting for the day when it all makes sense. We go through life wondering, praying, crying, conversing, and even despairing that life doesn't make sense, that we've messed everything up, and there is no hope... but we continue to put one foot in front of the other just the same.

I may not be ready for the life path that I am currently on, but that doesn't matter. The decisions I have made have brought me to this point, so there's really no going back.

So, have I made bad decisions?
Sure.

Do I have regrets?
Absolutely.

That's why it's called discernment, not having the right answers!

Can You Handle The Truth? (November 1 [Kathi])

Do you ever wonder what truth is?
Do you ever stop and think, "Huh, I wonder if that's true?"
Do you ever accuse yourself of being fake? Not true? False?

I do.

Every time I look into the eyes of the ones I love, I feel a surge of it.
I feel a bubbling up of the bile that is imposter.
I can't help but wonder what lies are being believed at this very second.

Why am I here?
Why am I doing this?
What am I hoping to accomplish?

I don't know.

Everybody tells me that I'm such a great friend.
Everybody sings my praises from on high.
Everybody fails to see what I feel inside.

I don't see it.
I don't feel it.
I don't understand it.

We are supposed to believe our friends, family and loved ones when they tell us nice things. They speak the truth, especially out of love.

Right?
Maybe?
Probably?

What is truth?

I hear it's subjective, so everybody has an opportunity to feel it every once and a while.
I can create my own destiny.
I can choose my own adventure.

Is that the God's honest truth?

I have no idea.