Discernment, or Why I Make Poor Decisions... (November 2 [Vicki])

In the Lutheran world there are a lot of fancy words thrown around to make ourselves feel special: vocation, theology of the cross, E pluribus unum, and even discernment. Now, don't get me wrong, it's fun to be able to say these fancy terms and get people looking at you like you're some kind of genius, but below the surface these words aren't that fancy.

For instance, vocation is merely what you find yourself doing in your life: teacher, husband, brother, mother, sister, aunt, custodian, creator, destroyer, alien, etc.

Theology of the Cross is just a fancy way of saying, we have no idea what we're talking about, but we don't want to tell you that, so we made up fancy phrases to disguise what we fear may be fake news.

E pluribus unum, really is just a fancy way of saying asexual reproduction.... no, it doesn't. It's latin for "out of one, many." (Close enough in my book though!)

Then, there's discernment.

This word is just like the rest, it means the process of making a decision. It's supposed to be along the lines of going on a vision quest and getting enlightened under a fig tree, but is it really?

I've never been on a vision quest. I've never seen a fig tree. I don't like to sit on the ground, so can I properly discern anything?

Well, sure!

My faith journey has been nothing but a giant mess of discernment (or decision making). I have made choices that took me all over the midwest, to several different schools (almost to North Carolina), and now to seminary to be a pastor. The question remains though... Has it been worth it?

Have my conversations with friends, family and loved ones about what God has "called" [another one of those fancy words] to me to been fruitful?

Have my long walks down the road of loneliness and despair just to end up where I am worth the pain and anguish?

Have the decisions I made on behalf of myself and my family, to go to school, to not become a teacher, to become a father, to cry my eyes out every time something goes wrong, made me a better person?

I really wish I had answers to these questions, because I'm really waiting for the day when it all makes sense. We go through life wondering, praying, crying, conversing, and even despairing that life doesn't make sense, that we've messed everything up, and there is no hope... but we continue to put one foot in front of the other just the same.

I may not be ready for the life path that I am currently on, but that doesn't matter. The decisions I have made have brought me to this point, so there's really no going back.

So, have I made bad decisions?
Sure.

Do I have regrets?
Absolutely.

That's why it's called discernment, not having the right answers!